a little bird

My dad told me yesterday that when he goes out to shoot pictures in the wee hours of the morning, there is a bird that separates itself from a crowd and watches him. He said he knows it is Layla Wren.

I am not the only one who remembers. ♥

I always think the holidays will not be hard for me, until they actually arrive and everyone is assembling and there is always someone missing. I miss her a lot today.

the 9th

I noticed it was the ninth today, for the first time in I don't know how long. It hit me than next month it will be three years. THREE. I'm not sure where this year has gone. The flashbacks are starting again, without my control as usual. I don't know if it is the light, the cold, that triggers them? Either way, I am feeling that heaviness in my heart again and missing her more than usual. I realized the other day how strange it is that all of it has become normal, part of my past, something that is no longer all-consuming, it just is. My heart has been nagging me with longing for another baby lately. But I still wonder if it is just missing her, still waiting. Three years seems like such a very long time.